Just another Day on the Job at Akhmed’s Body Shop

Man, work here at Akhmed’s body shop has been pretty boring lately. I find myself wishing a curse would come off one of the mummies or something. Anyway, just another day on the job today, first we did the old big swig and got all the blood out of this corpse. That was going well, until I accidentally made the cut too big, hopefully my boss won’t notice. Then I got the brains out of the dude, he was obviously not a thinker, I mean, it didn’t take very long for me to get all the brains out. Next was the complete facial, where we take out his eyes and put in new ones, I hate it when you feel like you’re being watched all the time by this sad old dead guy. Next comes the gutting of the corpse, something my boss referrers to as guts, guts, and more guts! I cut a huge hole in the guy and took out the stomach, lungs, intestines, and liver. Then I put these decimated pieces of glop and phlegm in the canoptic jars. Unfortunately, I ran out of the jars after putting away all but the liver. I checked to see if no one was looking before I hid the liver in the cooling box to put away later.

            Then it was time for lunch, today my wife had given me some leftover liver and onion from last night, thanks honey. So I wouldn’t want to come home with my lunch uneaten, I left the food in the refrigerator and told my boss, who is a real fatty, that he could have it. I think there must have been some mix up between the liver in my lunch and the liver I hid, because my boss started throwing up a little while later.

            After Lunch, I preserved the dead dude’s finger and toe nails; I accidentally spilled some non odor liquid on the guy’s hand, so now it kind of looks like he has painted fingernails. Anyway, after these steps, you pour salts on the body and wait for forty days. After those forty days, “ding!” You’ve got you’re body ready for filling with spices, which leaves you smelling very nice, almost like that really cheap body spray you can buy today. Then you sew the cut that I cut before. After that, I wrapped him in cloth, after I knocked him off his table a few times and sewn back on his arm, He was finally ready to be put into his death mask. Anyway, just another day on the job. Even though my job is boring, I still get to wear that cool Jackal helmet.